Book of Love

WARNING:I request all practical people to not read this...you will undoubtedly hate it! And if you still go ahead and read it..please don't leave messages telling that I am crazy..I already know that fact!

Have you ever wondered how it would be if someone were to write a book on how love feels... you will say..there have been millions of books written on love-
"How to fall in love in 10 days",
"how to fall in love with your sister's fiance's brother"
"how to fall in love with the perfect Martian"..etc etc..

but i am not talking about that... if someone could pen down exactly how it is to love...that exact feeling crystallized into tangible words... i wonder how beautiful that would have been...

There is a country song by Kenny Rogers where he croons "I would sing the perfect song,if only my heart had a voice" Hmmm..i think that would be nice...to be able to voice your emotions just as you feel them....

There is a song "Book of love"...a beautiful song which says the book of love would be long and boring with instructions for dancing....but i choose to disagree!

The book of love..in my mind's eye.. would be a big old book...time-worn... hard bound in brown leather....with a red satin book mark... when i open it....written in a beautiful running handwriting...are words written in magic ink which disappear...each person reads what his heart tells him!

And sometimes..when the message is too beautiful for prose...there will a song...or lilting music... Every sheet will have the fragrance of the first day of spring...and maybe while you are reading it...you can hear the sound of raindrops.....You can even listen to the breeze dancing around dry leaves...and sometimes when you cannot decipher whats written...small fairies would fly out of the sheets and whisper its meaning into your ears!

things which you ought to remember and never forget would be underlined with rainbows....and the pages you liked, you can always book mark using tiny twinkling stars... The secrets inside that book would thrill you...move you..scare you...I think if that book ever gets written,it would be more fun to read than a ride on Aladdin's carpet!


It would tell you how pearls are nothing but a lover's tears...or how roses are broken hearts...and the stars are .... just wishes lovers made for each other...

It also talks about the sad things..the tears..the fights.the self-doubts..the torment...and questions you whether you are strong enough to endure the tests on your way...questions your fortitude....it also talks about the wisdom at the end of road.

The book would also clearly say that love is not sacrifice.....love is not having to sacrifice! love is not compromising..love is collaborating.....and when you read it from the book..it wouldn't feel as if it were just big words and nothing much!

I wish I could get my hands on that book.. I so wish to read it! but deep down I know i am not ready to read those secrets..at least not yet! and this book would not be on sale...it would be given only to those who hope...

It’s the last day of the year 2005, and I have a feeling that time is slipping by..without me achieving anything….not that I have any colossal goals..but I do have some simple things which I want to learn, to do-my wish-list! It seems like yesterday when I was 18 and my new year resolution was to fall in love…now,I am 23 and I am trying to get over my love for footwear..talk abt change of perspective !!!From a girl with silly resolutions..i have become a woman with unattainable wishes!!! So I sat and drew up the list of things I would want to achieve in the year 2006.After I did that..i had a great big belly laugh..coz my list was so implausible!!! But then, one can dream…cant they?

Now don’t for a minute think that my resolution list is a simple affair…it has new plans…old incomplete carry-overs from the previous years…and sigh!some resolutions which are a constant feature in all my yearly plans.

Changes in my attitude I wanna see:
1.Become organized.Its time to change my haphazard life into a checklist bound disciplined way of staying alive.ok..now stop laughing!!!you know it as much as I do…that is one is probably not gonna ever happen.I thrive in chaos.I am the typical…confused…always in hurry-as I am never on time...sheets all over the place kinda thingie!!!But,one day I wish I would turn into this super smart..everything in control ,cool cat….can u imagine,that when I walk into my lead’s cabin,he actually has to remind me(play the guessing game actually) about what was that I wanted to tell him!!!!

2.Do not procrastinate:The scorpio devil in me says”why do something today when u can postpone it to tomorrow?”Yes,when I want something I can turn into an impatient fire-breathing Dracula…but in general..i am the “will do it tomorrow”kind.This is probably the one thing I hate about myself.I am gonna metamorphise into a do -it -right –now person…may be if not this year then the coming year!!

3.Be more composed.I am tired of my own intensity.Any emotional situation…I come out feeling exhausted.Nothing in the world is worth it. I overeact..I cry...i worry.I wish I could be cool..unruffled..and when told something unpleasant give an amused smile, not bat an eyelid and say”Is that so?” and mean it.I want to stop acting like a cat who’s tail is on fire!!!!

4.Face upto realities-I have been in denial over many things….that I am not growing any taller…I would never look svelte slim….i don’t look 16 anymore…I am bad at mathematics...really really bad..and probably I may never get to marry Abhishek Bachan!!

5.Start Saving.No escaping it…I gotta start saving.No more getting depressed so that I have a valid reason to go shop in shopper’s stop!(haven’t u heard the famous adage-“when depressed…stupid women cry…and smart women go shopping”?).I wont buy myself the 14th pair of shoes,without which I probably will die.Will face death than shell out more money over fancy footwear.Same with clothes,watches,perfume,handbags,jewellery..but I wont promise about moisturizers!!!This resolution would probably kill me..anyways life wouldn’t be worth living..if I cant buy all that nice stuff for myself.

6.Get myself a life-What am I talking about?well I don’t have a social life at all!!!Cindrella would pity me...”pathetic” is the word which describes my social life…and “non-existent” is what describes my love life!!!!The “love life” part is liveable(no boyfriend-mess for me,thank u!) but I need to go out more.I need to be more adventurous socially.Fear of boredom should not keep me away from meeting new people.Do what u fear and the death of fear is sure.So,all I need is to go meet new people and get bored enough to stop fearing it!!!

Activities:
1.Continue my dance lessons.I am happiest when I am dancing or writing.The greatest thing I learnt while dancing..was you need not be very good at something to enjoy yourself.Having fun is more important than being excellent at something.

2.Learn Judo.Wipe the tears of laughter...before you continue reading.Read about judo and was fascinated.Its on my wish-list along with trips to Venice and Egypt..and learning Kathak.

3.Improve my vocabulary. My interest in etymology has been in the back-burner for too long.I want to learn all the words…as of now many of which I cant even pronounce;)

4.Write emails/letters to friends:This was something I was popular among my friends….write long mails..which would put them to sound sleep.Need to start that habit again.

5.Become technically proficient:I am better now...but still way back compared to the average human being.By the end of 2006,I want to be able to make an intelligent conversations on the basics atleast…and not blink my eyes like a blind bunny!

6.Be regular to the gym and to my yoga:This will be a feature in all my resolutions list.From a few months,the lazy bug has bitten me so hard…and plus the blore cold..has made me snuggle harder into my quilt than get up and work out.But from new year,come rain or shine..no missing gym or yoga.

7.Start singing again.-Singing off-key is my forte…and I need to use it more to get on people’s nerves.And its also an excellent way to remember the lyrics of the songs which catch my fancy.

8.Travel more:Need I say more?

9.Read more.

10. Write more.yup! have so many..half completed articles...need to complete them.

11.Cut down on day dreaming and focus .I have had people come nudge me out of my day dreams.This undoubtedly has made people realize how foolish I really am.Stop giving people such insights into my brain or the total lack of it.Focus!!!

12.Laugh more.Worry less.Love more.Fear less.Eat less.Talk less.Work more.

13.Watch more movies.Learn something new every month.Specialize in one thing .Pursue improving my knowledge in art. I have chosen the impressionist age for this year.Lets see.

14.Stop throwing a tantrum whenever my family talks about marriage.Realize that it’s a necessary evil..and keep an open mind.

15.Take care of myself.Pamper myself.switch to juices from tea. Go healthy. Stop lusting over pastries.Learn to act a little coy, atleast once in a while.Be more out-going…and let myself fall in love. Concentrate on my career.

See,how optimistic I am?what do u think are the chances of me keeping all these promises to myself?

A story in the train

His side of the story
She was late and was trying to find a seat for herself in the train...she had tied her hair in an unbecoming bun at the nape of her neck..strands of hair which had escaped from the ties of her band were all over her face....she would blow them off from her face with a whiff of air from her mouth every few seconds!the frown on her face looked as though it was etched with a battle axe...but her eyes...aah!every emotion flitting across it,i could almost imagine her cursing that fat old man ..in spite of the bland smile she gave him..when he would not let her sit beside him!!!

She darted arrows at all the people sitting there..cursing them to the devil...for being there before herself!!!!From my vantage point..she formed an amusement...better than reading the silly things they print in today's newspaper...I was up in the sleeping berth...and could see her standing there..slightly irresolute...i wish she wouldn't get down and decide to take the bus or next train...But suddenly her body language changed ...she looked like a warrior whose only motive was to find a seat for herself and would move heaven and hell to have her way !! she started looking upwards..searching for a seat up and immediately she caught me staring at her...she gave me a withering"i am so used to people like u staring at me" look and walked past!!!i was grinning at her...i couldn't help it..that lass had spunk!Most gals would be embarrassed at my shameless gawking or irritated..she simply didn't bother...i was too small an annoyance to pay heed.Since i was atop the side berth..i could look at her walk up and down the boogie with no difficulty, but slight straining of neck and this female walked up and down as though she was surprised that there were no gentlemen left to offer her a seat.suddenly she found the gentleman she was searching for !...a baldie with a french beard and a bag which was altogether too big for him offered her a seat...more than her...i am glad...coz this gives me an unrestricted view of her...and she wouldn't not find out that i was staring at her.

Once she found her seat..the fight seemed to go out of her....she dumped herself onto the seat..smiled a grateful smile at the baldie...and took her specs..put them on..and got a book out.Then i saw the most amazing thing...she withdrew from the world...it was almost physical..she isolated herself from the crowds...the smells...and went into the world hidden withing those lines.I wish i could join her...after a while..i got bored of looking at her bent head...and i dozed off.

When i woke..we were 10 mins away from our destination...i got up..combed my hair...and noticed that stupid gal was still into her book!!!well...when we were about to enter the station..she reluctantly closed her book...and took of her glasses...cleanly packed it inside...and got up to take her bag.
I said"goodbye ,sweet stupid gal with flashing eyes!" inside my heart...pushed all thoughts of her and rushed towards the door.
I hate the crowded platforms...and i started walking towards the exit...when i look at blore rly station,i feel humans have hardly done anything but reproduce...man!!!so many people....and i don't know what made me do that..i suddenly turned back....and saw those flashing eyes..that scarecrow was actually walking behind me..all this while...and looked directly into them...but they were not flashing anymore...they actually twinkled back at me...i grinned at her don't ask me why...and then turned and walked away!


Her side of the story...
"Shucks!i am late.."
This never happens...i am usually in the station one hr soon...all set to push..and trample..and get into the train to bag a seat...every weekend a war won!!!!
Alas...i was late and all seats taken...I felt an unreasonable anger at all those people ..happily squatting on the seats...how will i ever find a seat for myself??? On one of the benches, i see 3 people sitting and request if they can "adjust"(we,Indians love that word) and let me sit!Then that big fat guy gives me a greasy smile and says "do u see any space left btw the three of us?"...i am so tempted to tell him"You fat mass of waste calories!!if u would only diet...we could have found space for 3 more people!!" but instead of being wicked i give him my blandest of smiles...and passed by!!!!
Not one single seat left....the only option would be to go in the bus...is anything worse than traveling in the bus?i dont think so....i suddenly thought i could find a place for me on top..the sleeping berth...i am going in this train!!!!i dont mind standing..or may b i shud just give into my baser feelings...and drag that fat chap out..and take his seat!!!!

And then i saw him....he was grinning at my desperation!!!!i wanted to pop my tongue out at him..but instead...gave him the"mosquitoes like u,dont bother me!" look...and moved on..there will b time for childishness once i find a seat for myself!!!

Even the upper berths were full!!!what heathen luck!!!Then i saw this bald man with kind eyes...sitting with a bag next to him...he looked at me guiltily and answered in the affirmative when i asked whether he would keep the bag down..making a seat for me...bless his sweet soul(in spite of him having that french beard....of all the crazy things men do..i don't understand why they grow french beards!!)!!!

i am so relieved.i dump my bag on the upper berth..which already has a heap of bags ....and then dump myself onto the seat....the train chugged itself out of the station...i look around..only dead faces everywhere...i am tempted to look at the monkey perched on the upper berth..which was still staring at me...but wouldn't give him the pleasure of knowing that i know!!!

so i put my specs....which adds like 5 yrs to my face...though makes me look intellectual...and opened my L.M.Montgomery...and departed to my dream world!!when i finished reading that book....we were in blore city.People were already packing up!!!i don't understand why they should be in such hurry all the time!that monkey was now combing his hair...as though there were gals flocking to meet him on the station..bah!!!what vanity!!

once the train stopped..i let all the people get down..and took my bag jumped down onto the platform...wat a mad rush!!!i started climbing the stairs which would take me out of the station...and then i see that grinning monkey is walking in front of me!!!the second i realize that he turns back..looks surprised to see me...throws me the sweetest grin..and before i could react...starts walking again...he wouldn't turn back...he wouldn't let me return the smile..he kept on walking....and walking behind him...
i realized i was grinning!!!

The ranting of a hurt ego;)

This was something I wrote a long time ago..those early days,when I joined the software industry.I didn't know anything.Imagine!A person who thought of being an archaeologist/art historian..ends up being a software engineer....I am not exactly dumb...but I have trouble being logical...so it took time for me to start using the left side of my brain;)
Though my team was extremely supportive..there were times when some stray comment would hurt...
one such time, with cheeks burning with indignation abt some jibe..tears threatening to run down my cheeks...to get the rage out of my system..I wrote this stuff.

Some of my friends..read this article and sent me mails,relating their stories of frustration...some went on to give me a lecture on the benefits of technology!
Let me make it very clear-I agree that technology has made our lives better(was there life before yahoo chat?)...but there are some drawbacks becoz ofthose very benefits...

remember ....I was emotionally perturbed when I wrote the below crap!(But I do admit,that whenever I feel low...this article still cheers me up and helps me laugh at the crazy things I do!)
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Today...I feel as though I am the dumbest thing God ever bothered to make.I don't know even simple things abt computers....when someone makes you aware of your ignorance it is mortifying to your pride..is it not?
moreoverI wish I could strangle that Charles Babbage...why did he have to make all this complicated stuff..and troubledumbos like me?!?!!?

Life!sometimes I feel women's lib was all wrong...we should have stayed aaramse at home...but most of the time..I think this whole evolution itself shouldn't have happened.An amoeba...floats around blissfully...without never having to bother abt OS and API..and all the other crap.I would have even settled to remain a monkey..but being a human being is too much to handle..particularly when u still retain the processing capability of an amoeba....life is only downhill:(
When the rest of the humanoids are cribbing abt how less they get to code..or... how simple their programs are...I am still trying to grasp the intricacies of pinging a system!and if this is just the beginning...I am wondering whether all that effort from my honorable ancestors was worth anything..if in the end there is only misery and the knowledge that unix provides 4 billion times the dataspace ,compared to windows?!?!?!

All thru my journey on this blue-green planet..I thought my sole aim was to learn the exalted virtues of the ultimate truth..but now ..I guess that's not anywhere near to being sufficient:(

A person who has trouble remembering to wear her footwear before leaving..home..and where she kept herkeys...is now expected to remember jargon she cant even pronounce!talk abt life's perverted sense of humor!

Look at those mongrels..out there..isn't that a blessed existence?sleep when you want..eat when you want...chase people you don't fancy....and don't give a hoot to whether linux is better than windows or not.And even mosquitoes...for that thing...eat,eat..eat some more...irritate the hell out of anyone..that's real power!and die before the whole thing starts getting boring....wow!

And for all the so called technology...has anything really improved?men still go bald..women stillput on weight around their hips..children are still impertinent..and almost everybody still gets diabetes!

I sometimes wonder whether all these so called computer nerds are really some kind of aliens waging a silent..canny war agst ..us..the naive earthlings!making our lives so miserable..so complicated withthese gadgets and protocols and what not..we never needed in the first place!we boast of having conqueredfar reaches of the space...of having landed many ugly looking space ships..everywhere...yet are still caught in the traffic jams back home...Are we humans...way too stupid..or too smart for our own safety..please let me know.but seriously...don't u think simplicity is a lost commodity?sad..sad ..sad.

PS:techies,please dont send me hate mail;)

Inside the train...

If you have ever taken a train to travel between mysore and blore,you will sympathize with me!I commute between Mysore and Bangalore every weekend . Most of the time,the trains are horribly crowded..and very uncomfortable but I love those times...because I honestly believe that I would never get to meet such variety of weirdos anywhere else!one gets to watch shoddily dressed middle aged men.. with their pot bellies making the way for them...women dressed in dresses most uncomfortable for traveling,young cocky men..with their"look-at-how cool-i-am" attitude,giggly girls....unpleasant men desperately trying to pick a fight,pesky kids..running over everyone's toes, gossiping women ,people trying tosell eatables..beggars singing off-key,old college friends having sentimental reunions and software engineers cribbing about everything under the sun!!!
Every Indian train is a big pot-pourri of people culture...and when people so different are put together in small compartments...one can guarantee that there will be a lot of entertainment.Let me give you a picture of the prototypes you will surely find in any train:)
1.The road side romeo...usually dark..at least 3 top buttons of his shirt open... with rajnikant's hairstyle...a gaudy colored comb peeping out of his back-pocket.You will usually see him in groups standing near the door...talking loudly about his escapades and combing his hair near the sink when the station is about 15 minutes away;).With that cow boy walk(bcoz of very tight low quality jeans) and cocky smile..and unimaginably bad hairstyle..one must be blind to miss him

2.This one is the irritatingly friendly co-passenger(they come in all shapes and sizes).they look at you curiously and want to know every detail about you.They will also gallantly share their packet of groundnuts,chips...buy you tea...embarrass you with incessant questions...and if all these virtues were not enough to goad you to murder;)they will also...tell you their views on everything under the sun addressing u as"saaaaaaaaaaar!" or"maaaaaaaaadam!".They will borrow your book,newspaper…peek over your laptop!At the end of their long monologues..they fish for compliments and look at you like puppies..who want to be patted and told "good doggie"!

3.The third one has to be the snobbish guy/lady..who think u r there to dirty their luggage...and look at u as though u were a moron of the first order;).They cringe when u move as though u have some deadly infectious disease..and purse their lips and frown at everything!

4.This is an elderly kind of person who is waiting for some chap to listen to his take on how corrupt the youth are...how western influence is destroying our culture...and...misguided today's youth is!

5.This is the fighter cock.unless you happen to be his unlucky victim...he is lots of fun.Though very unpleasant..he carries a lot of entertainment value.Think of a train journey without at least one brawl..it’s a blasphemy!!!He feels all people are out to get him...or he doesn’t have sufficient leg space..or there is no place for his luggage.He usually has a booming voice..and many times can be found tipsy;)but the funny thing is...you'll always find guys around this guy who enjoy this guy making a fool of himself...and then in loud voices pacify him.

6.He is the glutton..who has taken oath to eat anything and everything which looks edible.He buys everything...and for the entire journey..munches,sips...throws the wrappers out of the windows and scans for the next person selling something to eat.Unless you hate his munching..and the sound of plastic wrappers ..he is really harmless.

7.This is not a single person...but an entire group...the software engineer group.They are very amusing or very annoying.Nowadays..they dominate the whole scene...most of the trains heading to bangalore are filled with these chaps.They love cribbing about their PMs...and usually read self help books...and talk in jargon...which normal beings find difficult to pronounce!

8.They sing old hindi songs off key and seek ransom just to shut up!they usually hold two pieces of stone..and make a "tap-tap" sound with it...i find them fun though...try singing along...you may unnerve them;)

9.These are the far relatives of the sleeping beauty...the only sad thing is that they are not as pretty as her!they jump into the upper berth and go into coma-like sleep!They are some who manage to sit and sleep as well..usually with their mouth open!

10.The most irritating of all co-passengers...are by no doubt the pesky kids.They jump up and down...seek attention non-stop...wail...fight with other pesky kids..throw plastic wrappers and groundnut-peel all over your head..stamp on ur feet...and the one thing u find most difficult to forgive is....address you as aunty[only when you thought that the pink top you were wearing makes you look really young:( !!!!!]

Who said train-traveling was not fun?;)