After a long time, I saw a new Hindi movie. My friend told it was an okay kind of a movie. I honestly didn’t think so. Maybe my ability to stand nonsense has gone down…or may be when a movie is pretentious it gets on my nerves. I can tolerate bad movies...in fact I quite enjoy them. But I can’t stand pretentious movies. That’s why I hate Bhansali movies (Black is next only to Fanaa).

When I go to a Karan Johar movie…I usually go for 3 reasons-Shah Rukh Khan, Manish Malhotra’s newest designs and of course I am guaranteed that I can write a blog about it.
But when a small time director makes a low budget flick..I watch the movie thinking that the director has something to tell me...a point to make. This director didn’t have anything fascinating up his sleeve. The movie I am talking about is Life in a Metro.

In the first scene...you see Shilpa Shetty waving at her kid. You now know that probably all the money she made out of being the victim of racism has gone into plastic surgery (she has gotten some wrinkle reduction done…her facial skin looks stretched). Similarly we are introduced to an array of actors-
Konkona-I honestly like her. I fail to realize why she does these mindless movies.
Irfan Khan-The only character you end up liking...in spite of his staring habits.
Sharman Joshi-He is slowly turning into Arshad Warsi without the quick wit. He was cute in RDB...he is plain irritating in this movie.
Kay Kay Menon-Some people make it so easy to dislike them!
Shiney Ahuja-what a disappointment!
Kangana Raut-girl, go back to scary hair and Mahest Bhatt.
Dharmendra-He is called “Amul”…why????!!
Nafisa Ali-She is pretty...but amazingly she doesn’t leave any impression on you.

Without a doubt the worst part of this movie are the two hairy monsters and one not-so
-hairy monster who keep scaring you every three minutes with their screaming (er singing). They almost look like someone is poking hot coals at their backsides. The first time I actually got scared. Every three minutes they make tortured faces and scream into the screen. I feel that if singing is so painful for them...they should immediately stop.

Let’s take it story wise-

Lemmon Warsi and scary gal who lost her wig angle

India is a country of a billion. There must be at least a million stories wanting to be told. Then why do our directors rehash old Hollywood classics and try to sell it as new?
Sharman Joshi’s story is almost line to line copy of a Billy Wilder classic “The Apartment”. Sharman Joshi trying to play Jack Lemmon?!? It would be funny if it were not so disgusting. Lemmon could be dumb and charming. Joshi is just plain dumb. And his Arshad Warsi hairstyle makes him look like a depressed donkey A guy working in a call center saving 17 lakhs with a monthly salary of 15k?Doesnt add up..

I didn’t actually recognize Kangana Raut without all that hair…She almost looks sane. But ofcourse...acting insane is what she thinks acting is all about. So she does her part...of screaming and shaking her head while guzzling phenol. But without those unruly curls it’s not very convincing.
Also she looks very awkward while running. She doesn’t have the Urmila advantage nor does she look graceful. In fact she doesn’t even look strong enough to be running.
There are also traces of the movie “the concierge”-(The own hotel funda. Concierge was made as Yes Boss).


The desperate maiden-the despo guy angle

This angle is funny in parts. I feel that Irfan was never so perfectly cast. He looks exactly like someone who stares at cleavges. I do not think that “I am 35 years old...I have never touched a woman...so I will stare at her blouse” is a valid argument. And when will our movie makers ever get out of that idea that if a girl gets out of her chudidhaar and gets into a deep neck dress she will immediately win over men?
Using the gay angle just to cater to the so called liberal multiplex audience is nothing sort of manipulation.
Again the part where in her boss tries to give her good/bad news is inspired from Love Actually.

All the other stories are so crappy…that you actually end up liking a guy who drools at body parts!


I love Amul angle

I am almost always angry with Amitabh Bachan. Sometimes it’s his movies, his interviews, his ads...but mostly for giving the idea to other old men that they can make a buck by rediscovering themselves. So we have Vinod Khanna, Rishi Kapoor (its estimated that if he continues at the current rate ..He will be bigger than Himalayas in two years) and now Dharmendra is making cameos too.
Dharmendra was the heartthrob of so many. No one would bother looking at his acting skills as they were too busy drooling at his charming smile and rippling muscles (which was sad...he was pretty decent). But looking at Sunny and Bobby on a constant basis, listening to Hema Malini’s hindi and Bagpiper ads have taken their toll. Now you have seen him and the image is shattered.
If Rishi Kapoor had left us in peace we would think of him as the boyishly charming guy in bell bottoms. Now we think of him as a living mountain.Dharm is no more the man who killed Gabbar. He is “Amul”.

I do appreciate the idea that age is no barrier when its love. But the story is not given enough scope. It’s almost as if the director saw Baghban before shooting and added this angle as an after thought.



Pati patni and the 2 wohs

Bored couple… Banging doors. ..An affair… And a flirtation. And a very very dumb kid.
Kay Kay doesn’t feel guilty about his 2 yr old affair. Shilpa Shetty feels like a slut as she had a crush on some actor. Come on...all women have crushes on guys who look like Shiney Ahuja.
And anyways...it’s so typical. She doesn’t feel any remorse about roaming around with this guy…talking about her marital problems. But some petting in the weird red lighting (the director saw some foreign movies and thought it would be classy) and she suddenly remembers she has a husband and a kid???
Shilpa shetty shouldn’t cry. Now I know why Brits coughed up so much money. When she cries..her mouth which is as big as Suez Canal...goes above her eyes…and she looks like a scary sea animal. She could have easily gobbled the small island. No wonder they are scared of her!
He has a long sordid affair...she forgives him. She has a mild flirtation..He is nasty and leaves her. Comes back crying when his girl friend ditches him. When will they get over this crappy story line? You say...of course it happens all the time. Sure it does.
When Mother India was made...women didn’t go around shooting their sons. But the movie was courageous enough to show that.

When will Hindi movies stop portraying women as bawling maidens who are tormented by guilt and as spineless pativrathas?
One lady is not even angry that her husband cheated on her for two years. Another one poisons herself as her married lover scolds her (its also her part time hobby).Another one goes from chudidhaar wearing Ms.Prude...to sexy siren and gets drunk and bed ridden on knowing her boyfriend is gay!

I am afraid of saying anything good about women as it might anger my male readers…but come on…we are not that pathetic!
In fact the only woman in this movie who has any guts is Nafisa Ali.

Some years ago the small budget movies came as breath of fresh air since they didn’t adhere to the age old formula. Unfortunately now they have invented their own formula. Take 5 stories about unimportant people and mix it all up...and in the end show how they are related. Anything oft repeated is boring. In the end this is not a very bad movie. It has nothing new to offer and is pretentious about being realistic.I guess the director even claims that he has handled adult issues in a sensitive manner-bull@#$%^! And I would like it very much if the climax scenes do not have so much running. I have lived 24 years..and I have never needed to run behind anyone. If you want to make a realistic movie...Now that’s a start. Stop all those characters from running!

And please no hairy singers!