The American life

A couple in their 50s is climbing the hill with a dog which looks sickly. In the steepest part of the hill...the sickly dog decides to prove that it has a sense of humor too. So it goes on to the side of the recreational route and poops on the brown wood chips.

Now the wood chips which are soggy due to the rains and dog droppings being of the same color...the old man is forced to wear his specs, get the blue plastic doggy poop remover…bend down and hunt or the ahem!...droppings. After few minutes even the old woman joins the search muttering “oh! dear...oh!dear”. As I watch this fascinating display of whatever it is...I want to club down anyone who calls this great nation dull and boring.

It’s a regular café with bored and boring looking waitresses. I decide on Café mocha latte.

I order one…I didn’t know that Americans take their coffee seriously enough to make potential coffee drinkers to take a 15 minute oral examination.

The bored waitress asks these questions in a sing song way which renders people unused to those questions helpless and withering in agony of battered self esteem!

So, the questions after you say “one café mocha latté, please” goes something like-

“Tall or Grande?”

“Regular or espresso?”

“Would like to have whipped cream on it?”

etc..etc.,

This is a torture for people who are never quite sure whether they want whipped cream or not and have no idea what’s the difference between regular and espresso.

A life full of choices-I’d skip that please.

Till I came to the US I didn’t know that Indians lie. They constantly say…In US nobody cares for each other! What a lie! Every day I have at least a dozen people (most of them total strangers) asking me “how are we today?” or “Howz the day been?” In fact I don’t get out of the house just to avoid those questions!

Frankly, I would like some less caring. I like the Indian waiter…who stands in front of you, adjusts the towel on his shoulder, keep the plate under his arm pit (they always do that and it is so gross) and starts “masaldosa, idlivada…”.He doesn’t care about how your day went and why should he?!?

Moreover they don’t expect you to answer...They will immediately ask the next question...don’t they ever feel like hypocrites?

And I am never quite sure what to answer to those questions-

“Huh...how are we today? Dunno about you but

about myself...Lemme think-bowel movements were ok.feeling slightly depressed and my right knee hurts and I have a big pimple which hurts a lot”-will this do? Moreover who is this “WE” anyways?

How the day been? Will “Rainy and depressing” do or should I be frank and say “why don’t you ask the weatherman you bumbling idiot?” I like the second answer better but lack the nerve to say thatL.

But the most amusing thing about America are the Indians. They mutate and become something very pathetically funny. Women who always wore chudidhaars wear jeans and loose fitting shirt and walk as if they are still wearing Chudidhaars. They will stick with Indians only but are very wary of new Indians as they are afraid that you may try to borrow their Idli set. If they have been in US for more than 4 years they will adopt a very fake Indo-US accent which makes all Americans and Indians laugh at them.

And they will be the only fully clothed people on the beaches.

Who can resist loving the American way of life?